Nine of us traveled to Whitefish for a biking bachelorette weekend this past weekend and I was the only one who didn’t bike. It wasn’t a hard decision for me as I still have no feeling in most of my foot and if I do too much my leg gets super achy and I’m just a little tired of achy. So I stayed back and did some swimming and hot tubbing and a bit of walking, which was really good because I’m supposed to be walking on an incline, good for the stiffness, and I haven’t been.
I’m okay with being the oddball in a group. I’m getting good at being that person. I like that everyone has accepted this part of me. I had no grief for it, although I had a great excuse, but I feel as though if I had not broken my leg this wonderful group of bike crazy women would have been very cool with me not participating (to my face). I love that.
Every person on this beautiful planet has highs and lows in their life. I know that. The highs are so great. I feel like I’m on top of the world and I want to stay at the peak because that’s where it’s easiest and most refreshing. A recent high for me was when I was sitting in the park with a friend and our children played blissfully together while we discussed various interesting topics. The topics aren’t important. The moment was.
But if every moment was like that, would I still find time to do the things I know I need to do that aren’t easy and refreshing? I know I personally need a little meditative time in every day and I don’t do it. Only when I have a challenging day do I think “Stop what you’re doing and do something for yourself.” I’d like to stop myself every day…how do I do that without having a challenge push me to make changes? Is a 30 day challenge the answer? Is there something else stopping me from doing the things I need to do for myself? Am I just lazy? Nah. I’m 92.378% sure I’m not lazy.
I think everybody’s “needs” are different. Your balance is my chaos. I believe in working very hard and breaking hard. I think the things we are told and taught are to be questioned. Sometimes I get caught up in other people’s needs and beliefs and I set my own to the side. Did I just answer my own question?
Well, after a recent accident and turning an age that I was a little fearful of, I’m once again dipping a little and I’m making some changes in my life. Gotta love those dips! I just hope I keep it up no matter how high or low I feel.
Is it strange that I share these little personal thoughts on a public website? I’m not really sure why I do it but I think it’s something I just need to do. So I do.
That should be my mantra.
“Sooooooo Ieeeeeeee Doooooooooo”
In a way, breaking my leg in January allowed me to be as lazy as I wanted for a short amount of time. I had no responsibilities! Not one. Other than to heal, drink water, take my meds and put on a brave face when visitors come by. In the beginning, my leg felt like it was about to exploded for a few weeks.. Literally, it felt like the pressure was so great my leg was going to POP and all my bones, muscles and blood would paint every wall in my room….and then there’s the intense pins and needles. It’s not fun.
Imagine having no responsibilities, though. I didn’t even have to get my own coffee. After over 5 years of having little dependents and being a mom, a wife, a friend, a person with disappointments, failings, successes, hopes, dreams and then all of a sudden I didn’t have to think about any of that.
It was amazing.
I feel bad having enjoyed a little part of the nightmare of breaking my leg. I also hated it. But that goes for most things. Doesn’t’ it?
Of course, when I got the chance to be independent, I jumped (slowly crutched) on it. To have to rely on people to come by and make sure you’ve had a meal, it’s not something I’m used to. I used to take great pride in my ability to handle things on my own. Now I understand the power of plenty.
I’m back on my feet, No cast. I’m glad for the rest. I’m also glowing just thinking about getting back to my family, successes, hopes, dreams and disappointments.
I did my first twenty minute run on a treadmill, which is so much easier than running outdoors on a trail, but I’m still claiming a twenty minute run victory. I did it and I was so proud of myself. You know what I love about a treadmill? You can watch tv! I give credit to Bob’s Burgers for getting me past the 15 minute mark. It was also nice being at Vitality where I was alone and there were no bears to think about.
One of my greatest fears, since moving to Fernie, is running into a bear – especially, a hungry, scared bear. Last night I went for a run with my running partner and we saw a bear saunter down an adjacent pathway. My friend and I looked at one another and our jaws dropped because it was casually walking away from where we just were. What if?! is what our lowered jaws were saying.
We try and stick to well used pathways and my huffing and puffing most likely tips the bears off to our whereabouts but STILL I really wish bears had a bedtime or wore bells so we could hear them. Wouldn’t that be lovely?
I do understand being scared of bears is not the right attitude but you hear too many stories and you just hope that you aren’t going to encounter that one bear that acts unpredictably.
Don’t you worry about us though. We’ve already decided that, if we do run into a bear, I will jump on my friend’s shoulders and be big, loud and dominant with it and direct the confused bear in the direction of some berries. We’ll be fine!
I haven’t mentioned my running in a while and I was even asked recently if I am still running. I am! I haven’t stopped, other than that one time we went away for 11 days. Other than that, I’m still running every other day and I love it and hate it at the same time. Here’s why:
1. I’m not a beautiful runner. I see runners out there yogging away and looking so majestic at the same time. I’m huffing and puffing and my saliva is just bursting out of my mouth involuntarily and I’d rather not see anyone when I feel like my lungs are about to collapse or my calves are about to burst. Do I need a be a beautiful runner? No. I don’t. Does it stop me from going out and running anyways? No. It’s just something I observed.
2. I am ill prepared for the heat. I still don’t have proper shorts for running during a heatwave and last night I discovered why people, generally, don’t run in jean shorts. My inner thighs were chaffing like mad! By the time I was done my 20 minute run I had to tear those shorts off and let my legs breathe. I’ll still do it again because I also felt a little like a rock star runner and I didn’t mind it. Fashion over function, right? Maybe I’ll wear high heels, too.
3. It’s hard work. It’s a good thing I don’t run longer than 30 minutes (and that includes my warm up and cool down) or else I would probably not do it anymore. It’s a quick exercise but it also requires stretching and showering and all the other stuff that comes with increasing your heart rate. Ugh.
4. The after glow. One of two things that keep me going is the glow in my face after a run…I mean, once the redness in my face has faded a bit…then there’s this really nice healthy glow. I like that.
5. I feel good. It feels great to make your body work a bit harder and to see how you’ve progressed. I can ALMOST run all the way around the annex park loop. That’s amazing considering I could barely run for 60 seconds when I started. I’m patting my back right now.
Have you seen those paintings from the 1700s of voluptuous women just draped over a bed with beautiful fabrics surrounding them? Well, I put a painting above by François Boucher to show you what I mean, just in case. I want to BE those women. They’re so plump and contemplative, yet, peaceful and happy. I bet somewhere off canvas there’s a bowl of grapes and a pitcher of wine and maybe a little book she’s enjoying or not enjoying.
I need to go run now so I can come home and eat my spinach salad. UGH.